All because of a condom
by candyHOLICo
Summary: Yuffentine, hint of CloTi, maybe alittle bit AU It started with Vinnie Vampy delivering a package to Yuffie, from Tifa. But it might just turns out different. Rated for language and mentions of things. Oneshot


Disclaimer: I hate these things. I own nothing of the name Final Fantasy, I wish I owned CLOUDO or Vinnie Vampire or Zacky or Yuffie, but I don't… grrrrrrrrrrrr.

**All Because of a Condom**

And there I stood, looking like someone who walked out of a tornado. I know what he's thinking, _must be some big-assed tornado._ Oh Lavaithan, if I ever needed you, it's now.

Great, now he gives me some dumbass package which I took with some grudge. And that shitty I-don't-really-give-a-crap expression. Damn you too, vampy, damn you too. I glare at him. Oh yes, that's what Yuffie Kisaragi, the kickass ninja girl who can steal GOD'S materia, does when her crushest sexy crush comes to her rented house at 10:00 in the morning. GLARE AT HIM. Can I be more pathetic?

Oh yes I can. In fact, I am. Damn, if only Vinnie CALLS before he makes a visit. I just woke up 2 minutes ago, my robe is getting kind of small for me, my hair is way sticky-uppy, and I'm pretty sure that my breath stank. LIFE JUST ISN'T FAIR.

What does Vincent I-don't-fucking-care Valentine does when he sees the awesome beautiful me like this in the morning? "Tifa wants to give you this." And he walks away. He WALKS away. Oh yeah, I'm calm, I'm not mad, not one little bit. That's why I'm waving my hands up and down to get his attention and to tell him that he's a bastard. Nope, nothing.

"VINCENT FUCKER VALENTINE!"

Well, that got his attention. And pretty much everyone who lives on the block's.

Vinnie turns around and has this priceless expression on his face. He walked back to my so-called house, now with a murderous expression on his face. When he stopped in front of me, I so thought he was going to shoot me dead on the spot then.

Instead, he goes all, "What." No, not even a question. Just what. He wants to know what, not as a polite question, but a damn demand. And it was pretty scary, with his scary but super SEXY crimson eyes.

Suddenly, him shooting me dead on the spot doesn't sound so bad.

But I was calm. I mean, I'm a mature, self-reliance ninja who kicks ass, might I add. So what does every mature, self-reliance, kickass ninja say when their teammate/super crush demands why they gave him a middle name of fucker?

"Er, I just wanted to say… thanks for the package?"

Oh yeah, Yuffie, smart. I could've slapped myself then.

"It is not from me." Damn vampire boy turned around and started to walk away. By this time, most of my neighbors were back to doing whatever their boring lives allowed them to do, except for the weird comic freaks who lives in their mother's basement, collects dolls and don't have a life. Oh they're totally into this little drama scene beloved and I are creating.

I'm pissed. Seriously. Maybe it was from Vinnie the sexy Gothic vampire loser ignoring me, or maybe from the doll collectors who don't have a life and were getting popcorn. But whatever the reason, it made me mad. And when I'm mad, I usually don't have control of my actions, which would probably explain what I did next.

I grabbed Vinnie's wrist, earning a look from him (at least he looked!). I didn't care. I pulled him close to me, let go of his wrist, cupped his face with my hand, and pulled his face to mine. I closed my eyes and our lips touched. It was like that for a few seconds, minutes, weeks, months, years, I don't really know. But after a while, some doll loser wolf-whistled, and that's when Vinnie pushed me back.

I finally opened my eyes, only to see Vinnie with his eyes opened so wide, I thought they were going to jump out. He stuttered. Yes, stuttered. "W-what was t-that? Why d-did you do that f-for?"

I was pretty surprised myself, but of course, watching Vinnie's face was so entertaining, I recovered, "I-I'm so sorry Vinnie! But… but I really DO like you! Do you hate me? Because… because of that?" I pretended to be hurt. I was a damn good actress if I do say so myself. And Vinnie Vampire totally did fall for the fake tears running out of my eyes and down my cheeks.

Oh hell he fell for it. Hard. So there goes the apologetic look on his face, "No, Yuffie. I do not hate you. It is that… it is that we merely cannot be together."

There ya go. He confessed. He loves me. Maybe he didn't say it, but you know it. Victory! "Why?" I swear that man is a sitting duck.

"I'm a monster, a demon, I can hurt you."

"I'm a strong girl."

"We cannot be together. Lucr—"

"Ah, don't give me that shit about Lucrecia. I don't care about whatever happened to her, because I'm not her. I'm me, Yuffie Kisaragi." I looked at him with those pleading eyes of mine. I got a lot of thing from them. Thank you pleading eyes.

"I…" I cut him off by pulling him in for another kiss. He didn't resist this time, but merely went along with it. After a while of kissy-wuggy moment, I pushed him away.

"Vinnie, don't tell me you didn't like that." He didn't say anything. No expression, no nothing.

I looked at him even more, "Vincent, I don't care if you have that horrible horrible thing inside of you, you're not a monster! That Hojo dude is! You're just… misunderstood," yeah-fucking-right, "and I really truly do love you!" I think. Hell, I don't know! I'm only an immature girl, damn it!

But whatever. I'm sure the misunderstood thing cracked the egg, as Vincent looked at me again, "Yuffie… love is too much of a burden for me. I can only say, I deeply enjoy you and your company." Translation: "Yuffie babe I love you so much, I wanna do you on the spot, you fucking hot bitch!" Just kidding. What he really meant was that he liked me too. There. Everything works out, so Vinnie wraps his arms around me, and we kiss, again.

Half way through the kiss, I started to cry. Why? Because I realized how lucky I was to be in Vampy's loving arms. Then, I realized that I really was crying before when I first kissed him, and that I really wasn't acting.

Hell, maybe I'm the one who fell for it hard.

Later, when we opened the package Tifa send Vinnie to give me, there was a condom inside, accompanied by a note of Tifa's hand writing: _Hey love birds! Don't forget about this! Yuffie, you don't want to turn into a mom yet, and I'm pretty sure this'll come in handy a couple of times. Take care!_ I swear, that woman will never be able to even use this damned thing with Spikes!

TRL: Eh? So how was it? Good? Bad? Supa good? Yeah it's supa good, I know.

Anyways. I'm a huge Yuffentine fan, and all I will ever write is oneshots. I hope you supally enjoyed this one! Reviews and criticisms are welcome, as long as you keep up my supa mood! Lol um, yeah…


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